The PHP Love Codes

Haha.. Just saturday fun code with PHP.
This script works like love calculator based from algorithm by DigitalDoener (Andreas W.) digitaldoener.de
Compatibility: with any platform, you only need php.
Just for fun coding purpose but, it’s really works. Code is poetry. ;p
Here we go :

<?php
/**
 * The PHP Love Codes
 *
 * @version 1.00
 * @author Christian Ditaputratama <ditatompel@gmail.com>
 * Code is poetry, just for fun coding purpose. ;p
 *
 * based algorithm from DigitalDoener (Andreas W.) digitaldoener.de
 * Compatibility: with any platform, you only need php.
 *
 * Usage :
 * $my_love = new love('your name','your soulmate');
 * echo $my_love->showLove();
 */

class love {
    // change author name will make $admire won't work. =(
    const AUTHOR = "DitatompeL";
    private $admire = array(
        // please do not change any value below T___T
        'yKN38PLMvvt9qW3mTIKPCQ==', 'IwWOBr7jvOaiKUVmxWGoYA==',
        'EQhqNNLvP7nFHFiSEabmIg==', 'oY7QcpqNzFA2B/M0GbDn+g==',
        'W0XdFk51XGX5XJzPezm2yhm8X7LZsiutny1q/bsJnrJ//FPLzIpKYgrHvFryFCaI',
        'W0XdFk51XGX5XJzPezm2yvrECQq9rAQbLjdzmcSXAdLqKtwIsKElhiax5TfA4d4z',
        'BGMF9t0put0VK9zMvH4jndVjdL+V+rd08Q9PTRNqb1MDEc4yVVfJuxe2ekWUxTFk',
        'ZS9IiyhqTtG+ICJF7Mpwo6DhFRmkx+FcdecLeYDGZd/gpjrBd6BYQJciEoPCEfPj'
    );
    protected $me = "";
    protected $you = "";
    private $whispers = array();

    function __construct( $me=NULL, $you=NULL ) {
        $this->couple = strtolower(preg_replace("/[^A-Za-z]+/", "", $me . $you));
        if ( strlen( $this->couple ) <= 2 )
            $this->bull("No one is known for this kind of object.");
        else
            $this->relationship($this->make_it_mean_something($this->couple));
    }

    public function make_it_mean_something($together) {
        $initialMagic = count_chars($together);
        for( $kiss=97; $kiss<=122; $kiss++ ) {
            if( $initialMagic[$kiss] == TRUE ) {
                $intensity = strlen($initialMagic[$kiss]);
                if ( $intensity < 2 ) {
                    $kisses[] = $initialMagic[$kiss];
                }
                else
                    for( $hug=0; $hug<$intensity; $hug++ )
                        $kisses[] = substr($initialMagic[$kiss],$hug,1);
            }
        }
        while ( ($hotnessFactor = count($kisses)) > 2 ) {
            $continuousImprovement = ceil($hotnessFactor/2);
            for( $change=0; $change<$continuousImprovement; $change++ ) {
                $intimacy = array_shift($kisses) + array_shift($kisses);
                $sex = strlen($intimacy);
                if ( $sex < 2 )
                    $physicalTouch[] = $intimacy;
                else
                    for( $touch=0; $touch<$sex; $touch++ )
                        $physicalTouch[] = substr($intimacy,$touch,1);
            }
            $progress = count($physicalTouch);
            for($affection=0; $affection<$progress; $affection++)
                $kisses[] = $physicalTouch[$affection];
            array_splice($physicalTouch,0);
        }
        return !in_array($this->secret_love($this->couple), $this->admire) ? $kisses[0].$kisses[1] : 100;
    }

    private function bull($sh1t=NULL) {
        if( !is_null($sh1t) )
            $this->whispers[] = $sh1t;
        return;
    }

    public function showLove() {
        $newLine = php_sapi_name() == "cli" ? '\n' : '<br />';
        return implode($newLine, $this->whispers);
    }

    public function relationship($score) {
        $scoreWhisp = 'Score ' . $score;
        if ( $score <= 30 )
            $this->bull( $scoreWhisp . '. OMG! Go out and find someone else. lol');
        elseif ( $score >= 31 && $score <= 60 )
            $this->bull( $scoreWhisp . '. Not bad dude! Renew your spirit. Spend time in nature together.');
        elseif ( $score >= 61 && $score <= 80 )
            $this->bull( $scoreWhisp . '. Good! Keep your focus on what is right and good with your couple.');
        elseif ( $score >= 81 && $score <= 99 )
            $this->bull( $scoreWhisp . '. Great! Your relationship is suitable each another! Keep it up!');
        else
            $this->bull( $scoreWhisp . '. PERFECT relationship! Cute couple!');
    }

    private function secret_love($theHappyCouple=NULL) {
        if( is_null($theHappyCouple) ){
            $this->bull('Cannot encrypt your love relationship string =(');
            return $theHappyCouple;
        }
        $V_size = mcrypt_get_iv_size(MCRYPT_CAST_256, MCRYPT_MODE_ECB);
        $mrs_V = mcrypt_create_iv($V_size, MCRYPT_RAND);
        $P_size = mcrypt_get_key_size(MCRYPT_CAST_256, MCRYPT_MODE_ECB);
        $mr_P = substr(self::AUTHOR,0,$P_size);
        return base64_encode(mcrypt_encrypt(MCRYPT_CAST_256, $mr_P, $theHappyCouple, MCRYPT_MODE_ECB, $mrs_V));
    }
}
?>

Pastebin URL : http://pastebin.com/yps5uE0D
Usage example :

<?php
$my_love = new love('your name','your soulmate');
echo $my_love->showLove();
?>